rudecosmopolitan

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Edit: I dont want to live a life with regrets, but a life with minimal regrets.
I know this is it.
the last straw.
i'd enough of it.
this is not where i want to be. though this is what i want to do. i know what i want in time to come. to be THAT somebody. the place isnt allowing me any chance.
i have tried.
i have failed.
i dont want to be in place where it shows me NO direction. i need a sense of direction in life. i thought i had by comin here but somewhere along the journey, i lost it.
going into 7th week, and im still all tears. crying in and out. day and night. weekdays and weekends. is this how i want to see myself. I pity myself. since young, i purse what i want NOT i must. what happened?! what happened to my principles?! Have i lost them too?
I dont need the society to decide for me. i dont need to follow what the society says. i dont care. i'm answerable to my own happiness. Don't tell me what to do and what not to do. If anything goes wrong, like now, are you gonna be there?! lending me your shoulder?
No, you're not here now, not standing next to me with your arms wide open. you only know how to critcize. Fux don't speak. Don't tell me I should be modest and am lucky to get into uni. Fux, you're not me so you don't know how i'm feeling. Fux, don't speak when you cant even feel it. the pain. the sorrows. Fux, don't speak when you're not even makin a damn effort to keep me going. Fux, don't pretend to show concern cos it was nvr there since the start. Fux, if you're geniunely concern for me, where the fux are you right now?! Don't come fux-ing tell me you're bz. Well, whats time mgt for?! din we learn that in school?! whatever, thats not the issue now.
i need not explain to ANYONE for my decision. I dont need anyone's support except for a handful. you know who you are.
i'm going to talk. talk to my parents. parents, let's talk.

DruggedBitch @ 9:11 PM

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